# {627.} Burial

The customs and world of belief attached to death and burial are not nearly so diverse and extensive as the customs of weddings, yet at the same time these have preserved greater antiquity and in many cases extraordinarily archaic traits. The reason is that descendants did not dare change the sequence of customs for fear that the spirit of the dead might return. Yet, only a few of these customs survived, which may be attributed to persecution by various churches as they tried to exterminate all traditions not agreeing with or opposed to articles of faith.

The expressions relating to death and to burial look back upon a long past. Thus the words hal (die), halál (death), sír (grave), temet (bury), temető (cemetery) are Finno-Ugric derivatives, and the word koporsó (coffin) and perhaps tor (burial feast) are of ancient Turkic origin. We know well from archaeological excavations the burial style of the Magyars of the Conquest. The more distinguished, prosperous warrior was buried with the head and four legs of his horse placed beside his body, as well as his saddle, stirrups, and bridle with the bit. Among his weapons usually the bow and the arrows were placed into the grave. The sword represented power, as did the rich, sarmentously ornamented purse plate, of which so far 23 have been found. It has been possible to estimate the position occupied in life by the dead from the number of arrow points. A horse’s skull and legs were placed in a woman’s grave only very rarely, probably only in cases when with the death of the male members of the family, the leadership fell to her. In the graves of common people the quantity of buried objects is much less. Poor and rich graves alike were situated facing east-west, thus the dead were laid facing the rising sun. Burial customs show many common characteristics related with those of the nomads from the steppes of Central Asia and South-Eastern Europe, some of which have been preserved almost to this day.

After conversion to Christianity, grave furnishings quickly disappeared from Magyar graves. Burials were conducted with a church ceremony, and in order to oversee this most thoroughly, it was decreed that the dead be buried around the church. The formerly sacrificed horse itself, or its price, was given to the church. Magyar burial ceremonies, changing because of Christianity, began to resemble those of neighbouring peoples, and only fragments survived of ancient traditions.

It is believed that certain occurrences foretell death. Thus if a picture or mirror falls off the wall, if a clock stops without reason, if the dog howls or the hooting of an owl can be heard about the house, then someone from the family will die. When members of the family thought that the condition of an ill person was beyond recovery, they called the priest. The sick person, if a Catholic, was given extreme unction, if a Calvinist, the Lord’s Supper. Then, a bed out of straw was made on a rush mat under the main girder beam, in the belief that a man can die more easily if close to the ground. The window was opened but the doors shut, even the drawers of the chests, so that the departing soul could find its way out easily and could not hide away somewhere in the house.

When death came, the chin of the dead was tied up, the eyes closed, and coins or bits of clay put on them, which were made especially for this occasion. The clock was halted, the mirror covered, the fire {628.} extinguished, and not relit so long as the dead remained in the house. Those who were asleep were woken up and people shouted the news that the farmer or his wife had died into the barn and even into the apiary.

The preparation of the body followed. First it was washed, a service done in most places by women, regardless of the sex of the dead. The water was thrown in a place where nobody could step on it, and the soap was thrown away. The dead man was shaved, and in some places the face smeared with vinegar or wine to keep it from changing, that is, so that it remained rosy. Next, they dressed the corpse in his best Sunday suit, although footwear was generally not put on. Then they laid him on the bier, which was placed in the middle of the room. This is made of two or three planks laid on chairs or trestles and covered with homespun. Often the custom was to make it up into a bed. In some places people laid out the dead on the bed, taking care to place the bed parallel to the main girder beam. Sometimes a sickle was put on the stomach to prevent swelling. This is noteworthy because sickles were also found in some of the graves of the Conquest, although only in the graves of women.

It is proper for relatives, acquaintances, and neighbours to visit the body lying in state. In the Hajdúság they enter with the following words: “God console the sad-hearted ones who are left behind, and take the dead into the kingdom of heaven.” The relations of the dead reply to this: “May God hear you.” The visitors look at the face of the dead and praise his good character, his humanity, and deeds. Then they bid goodnight and leave.

However, relatives and older women and men stay and sit around the dead, praying and singing, generally religious songs. The men usually gather separately, where they talk and play cards but may not fall asleep. Later they put together the data that will help the minister or cantor to bid farewell at the burial. Some records testify that at one time various games may have been played at the wake, as is hinted by a description from western Transdanubia, dated 1818: “The young men used to take rattling sticks along. These are sticks split in five or six ways at the end, and they hit each other on the back with them for entertainment. They pull somebody down, cover his eyes, and two, three, or more hit him. If he can tell who has hit him, they pull that one down; if he cannot tell, he is pulled down again until he guesses who hit him.” At other times, as a consequence of the wine and even brandy that has been consumed, secular songs as well as religious songs turn up, especially those the deceased himself used to like singing.

Fig. 221. The construction of a coffin.
Désháza, former Szilágy County. 1950s

The carpenter took the measurement of the coffin with a stick or reed. Then he painted the box, which narrowed towards the foot, according to the deceased’s age: white for children, blue for the young, brown for the middle aged, black for the old. In some places tulips and roses were painted on the coffins of the young, just as they did on chests used in the rooms. The small pillow that was put under the head of the dead was filled with the shavings from making the coffin.

Certain objects are put into the coffin when the body is laid out. Men get their pipe and pipe pouch, perhaps their favourite walking stick, {629.} herdsmen their ringed whip, often a razor and soap. Mostly a needle, yarn, and kerchief are put into the coffins of women, while the children take along their toys, books, and copybooks. Often, fruit or other kinds of food are included. Sometimes a Bible, a prayer book, holy medals, small statues, a rosary or psalter are placed at the feet.

The tolling of the church bell has a great role in saying farewell to the dead. The smallest bell, called the soul-bell, is rung at the hour of death for Catholics. Among Protestants, the tolling of one or more bells identifies the sex of the dead. The bells give notice that the funeral gathering is beginning, and its sound follows the dead on its last journey. This is why it is written on bells all over Europe: “I am calling the living and lament the dead.”

290. Lamentation
Magyarszovát, former Kolozs County

291. Lamentation
Rimóc, Nógrád County

The dead is covered with a shroud before beginning the burial, but a small opening is cut into it at the face. After closing the coffin and nailing down the lid, it is carried out of the house usually feet first, and the carriers knock with it three times on the threshold, so that the dead will not find its way back. They place the coffin in the yard on a so-called St. Michael’s horse, which is actually two trestles. A small table stands at the foot of it for the clergyman and the cantor. The family takes its place around the coffin. The men are on one side, the women on the other, in the sequence of their position within the extended family. Often two {631.} kerchiefs are put on the table, which are given to the clergyman and the cantor after the ceremony.

Lamenting the dead (siratás) was an inevitable part of burial until the most recent past. Only the women lamented by wailing, and this survived in spite of strict prohibition by the churches. Laments consist of reminiscences about the time spent together, and leave-taking, which is always in the first person. There is much reality in them alongside the religious content. The form is not fixed, but improvised according to the situation of the moment. The text is partly sung, partly recited. Such lamentations were also recited when seeing off soldiers or immigrants, the content in that case, of course, suited to the occasion. The loved ones who died far away were also lamented. The following song of lament is an example:

Oh, my sweet son, my dear son!
Oh, what a sad letter I received in the mail!
Oh, where in that far-off place did you meet your death?
Only the birds are hovering above you now!
My sweet son, my dear son, my beloved child!
Oh, my child of great skill and learning, my bright and smart son, where shall I look for you, where can I find you?
Oh, how far you are, death has so utterly parted me from you!
Only the bullets went flying over your head, my sweet child, my dear son!
Oh, Gossip, a very bad morning we are having.
Oh, the sun has risen very sadly on us, we have a very sad goodmorning, my dear Gossip.
Oh, my sweet child, my dear son, where shall I look for you, which way shall I start to find you?
No longer will you come to knock at the fence.
Who shall I be waiting for every morning, every evening; – Mother, come out please a moment! –
Oh, who shall I go to, who shall I look for, who shall I watch for every morning which way he is coming?
I have nobody left!
Oh, my sweet and dear child, my smart and shrewd son!
Oh, death has so utterly parted me from you!
There is no one to walk the length of your coffin, only the birds are hovering above you there, my dear, sweet son!
Oh, when you were home but a year ago you said as we went a-hoeing beet–Mother, look at those nice baking taters yonder, if we live next year, we should get some seeds and sow them!
Oh, but you didn’t live, my sweet son, to get some of those nice baking taters!
Oh, how glad you were to see them though!
You were much amazed and said:–Oh, Mother, I have never seen the like of them.
Who shall I go to now, who shall I talk to, my dear son?
Oh dear, oh dear, motherless, fatherless meek little bird of mine, out there in a far off land, where you have nobody!
Oh, my God, my God, where shall I look for you, where shall I find you?
Cigánd (former Zemplén County)

Fig. 222. Detail of a song of lament.
Cigánd, former Zemplén County. 1957

{632.} Although the majority of the lamentations are improvisations in prose certain permanent expressions and combinations of words are repeated in them.

“What wrong have I done to the Almighty Lord that he has taken away my loving mate? Oh, Ferkó, Ferkó, Ferkó Buda! Oh, what shall I do, where shall I turn? Oh, who is to comfort me? Oh, I have heard say that a widow’s life is happy: nay it is sad! Oh because I am like the mateless bird wandering from bough to bough. Oh, I must go to that garden of mourning and bewail my lot to the earth which does not tell anybody about it. Oh, my dear God, my dear God, where shall I go, where shall I turn? I have nobody to comfort me, I have nobody to speak for me. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!”
Kapospula (Somogy County)

Fig. 223. Song of lament.
Kapospula, Somogy County. 1961

Some rhyming lines occur in the lamenting song above, but there are also a great many in which the pain of the ones left behind is told entirely in verse. Zoltán Kodály recorded the following song of lament of fixed structure in 1917:

I was left here lonely
Like a field of stubble
All the pride of which is
Cut down by the sickle.
Thank him so much, thank him,
Thousand times I thank him
For his every goodness
That he always showed us.
Let him rest, let him rest
Till the Day of Judgement.
Jesus Christ our Lord came
When his need was urgent.
Jesus Christ our Lord came
Bringing ample medicine,
And a balmy ointment
Bathed his sores and wounds in.
Nagyszalonta (former Bihar County)

Fig. 224. Song of lament.
Nagyszalonta, former Bihar County. 1917

The melodies of some Hungarian songs of lament can be traced back to pre-Conquest times; parts indicative of great antiquity can also be discovered in their formulae and expression. Lamenting songs were already recorded in the 16th–17th centuries. These already bore a close resemblance to those of the recent past.

After the lamenting and the church ceremony has been concluded, the funeral procession is formed. In a significant part of the linguistic region, the relatives and friends carry the coffin on foot by means of poles placed under it. In the Great Plain, they generally put it on a cart along with the grave post or wooden cross. It was the custom in many places not to go directly to the cemetery but to stop in front of the church instead and sing a church song. In the past century it has even happened that they {633.} carried the coffin into the church and the minister preached there over it, while at other places they left it in the churchyard during the church service. The minister and cantor walked at the head of the funeral procession, perhaps with the children, who sang all the way. The immediate relations followed the coffin, but there men and women were already mixed.

The burial of young men and girls who were brides- and grooms-to-be resembled a wedding in many aspects. Although there were no best men, the girls and young men walked on both sides of the coffin dressed as for a wedding. Thus among the Csángós of Hétfalu (former Brassó County) they sang the following while the coffin was carried out of the house by the maids and young men of honour:

I am too a bridegroom [or a bride]
Ready for to go soon.
Folk come here a-treading
To a woeful wedding.
I was once a flower,
But I won’t bloom ever
Laid at rest in coffin.
In my parents’ garden
I was once a flower,
Rose that won’t bloom ever,
For the Reaper cut me
When a youth unwary
{635.} With His net He snared me,
And won’t have me living,
Here I must be leaving.
Hétfalu (former Brassó County)

292. Funeral procession
Magyarszovát, former Kolozs County

293. Lamentation
Átány, Heves County

294. Funeral meal (the men)
Magyarszovát, former Kolozs County

295. Funeral meal (the women)
Magyarszovát, former Kolozs County

The grave was dug on the day of the burial, or a day before. This, in the Hungarian villages, is community work to this day, and it is proper for the relatives, friends, and neighbours to attend. Afterwards they are treated in the most simple way with brandy, bread, and bacon. Many versions of digging a grave exist in the Hungarian linguistic region. The simplest is when they dig a single hole approximately 2 to 2.5 metres deep. In most family graves a so-called padmaly (floor) is cut into the two sides of the grave, level with the bottom of the grave and matching the height of the coffin. In other places they put planks on the coffin that lies at the bottom of the grave and place another coffin over that. Where the cemetery has not been laid out in rows, the direction of the graves is east–west. However, they also try to arrange rows in such a way as to make it {636.} possible to retain this orientation. Leafy branches and twigs are placed over the dug-out grave, so that evil spirits cannot move into it in the dark.

Fig. 225. Various types of graves.
a) Simple grave with a gravepost. b–c) The type in which the coffin is closed off by boards (padmalyos). Diósháza, former Szilágy County. d) Grave with both the upper solution and a nook on the side. Sámson, former Szilágy County. 1950s

The funeral procession stops at the gate of the cemetery (cf. p. 129), and from here they carry the coffin by hand to the open grave and lay it on poles placed over the opening. The leave-taking follows, then the religious ceremony, and finally they slowly lower the coffin into the grave with ropes. At this time the relatives, and often all participants throw a handful of soil on the coffin, sometimes also throwing in those kerchiefs they had cried their sorrow into, so as not to take their sadness home. At some places it is also customary to walk around the grave.

On the grave posts, wooden crosses, or grave stories not only the name of the dead were written, but, especially from the last century, their lives and virtues were also mentioned in shorter or longer verses. The half-folk verses in many cases preserved older traditions:

After all my sufferings ended,
Here this grave enclosed my body.
Here my broken bones found at last their resting place.
We shall meet hereafter, God be with you all.
Kömörő (former Szatmár County)

Gravepost poems became increasingly parodistic, and reciting them at evening gatherings became a favourite pastime.

296. All Saints’ Day in the cemetery
Tiszaörs, Szolnok County

The concluding act of the funeral is the burial feast (tor), that is to say, the treating of the participants. In the Middle Ages it was held in the cemetery itself and, as a memory of this, it has been arranged there sporadically even in this century. Already in 1279 the council of Buda prohibited entertainment and dancing in the graveyard; the churches {637.} always looked upon the custom with disfavour. Thus at the beginning of the 17th century it was written: “The annual feast making for the dead is the invention of the devil.” Comenius, in the middle of the same century, has more to say about it: “Heaping praises on the dead by the droning of the funeral feast.” Dancing in the cemetery survived in a few places where the episodes of the young man’s or young woman’s burial imitated the progression of the wedding. The treating of beggars with food and drink at the gate of the cemetery also recalls the memory of the funeral feast.

In this century the burial feast was held in the house of the deceased. Bread and bacon were offered, and at some places, milk loaf, or a cooked meal, generally paprikash meat, was served. Brandy was given with the former, more likely wine with the latter. A place was set for the dead also.

Time passed with quiet talking and singing: then, as the effect of the brandy and wine took hold, they turned to more merry songs and usually sang the favourite song of the departed. When the funeral feast began to turn into entertainment, then, at the suggestion of one of the older relatives, the visitors all left together.

The colour of mourning used to be white, that is, light. The wearing of black for grieving spread among the peasants from the West and through the intermediation of the upper classes. Women still mourned in white half a century ago in the Ormánság. The time and limits to mourning are not uniform among the Hungarian peasantry. It is certain that for a few years the deceased is remembered on his name day and on the day he died, people abstaining from entertainment at such times. Later on the family remembers all its dead on Good Friday, when they put the graves in order, and on the eve of All Saints’ Day (November 1), when they take flowers to the cemetery, and when not only Catholics but even Protestants burn candles. At such times members of the family, even those who live far away, come home if possible so that the living can meet the dead. Today All Saints’ Day observation, while it has partly lost its religious character, is general not only in the villages but in the cities as well.